Healing Earthquakes: Poems by Jimmy Santiago Baca

Author:Jimmy Santiago Baca
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780802198549
Publisher: Grove Atlantic
Published: 2001-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

Nine

I am trying to say

if you want to be with me, be with me,

if you don’t, then don’t—

if the latter is true, don’t let these poems flatter you,

they are intended for more than flattery,

they are birth poems of love from me to you,

from my abdomen, full of blood, fear, love, guilt,

devotion.

Do not love me, do not commit yourself to me, do not honor me

with your heart

if you secretly don’t intend to, if you don’t want to.

I must move on, to fall in love with trees, cathedral bells, soft

evenings, snowy mountains,

cafés, books, music.

Start your life,

create your environment where you flourish, where

your gifts

become fire to the kindling in drought-stricken souls,

become the woman you desire.

What good is love if you desire another between us,

what good is love if you flirt with others,

what good is love if you do not surrender yourself to your lover

as I would to you, fully and totally, with complete honesty and

commitment,

your knees, your breast, your lips, your voice,

the only reason I love them is because of the soul-energy

that fills them.

Your heart and soul

are like the rarest of turquoise jungle birds,

fit only for warrior hearts,

which I have, which I live with and which I offer you.

Tonight I wish I could dine with you, candlelight and wine,

low talk, listening to you tell me things, teach me of your soul

and dreams,

tonight I wish I could go to a movie and hold your hand,

whisper my thoughts to you.

Tonight we could walk, we could drive to the mountaintop and

tell each other

our fondest wishes and most coveted dreams,

and what you shared with me I would cherish,

hold close to my heart like a young boy with a flame in each

hand

to lead him through the dark.

You must understand, leave or stay, but know

I believe and have tremendous faith

that if you flung fear away, if you truly loved me, you’d tell

the world

of your love, conceal nothing,

and I would in turn do the same.

I would never let you down.

Tonight it is late and I’m alone again,

I see you in New York stepping out of a cab,

I see you camping in the mountains and telling me your

feelings,

I see your heart

when I look at the moon,

I see your smile when I see the hummingbird at the lilac

bush,

I see your soul

when I inhale the air

that allows me to live,

I feel you in me,

feel myself in you,

feel the throbbing, the panting, the crying

the embrace

so tight

I see you walking down black steps in a white skirt.

I see you in a gallery holding a brochure, viewing

paintings,

I see you studying the woman’s face in a painting

I see a man flirt with you

I see you flirt back

I see you go with a man in a bar

I see you desiring another man

and I see myself vanish into the smoky steam of

a dark street

never to return.

I lose myself in a bookstore,

I lose myself in a busy street lined with jazz clubs,

in a studio recording poetry with musicians in

New Orleans

but vanishing from your life

the way a dormant volcano awakens with

red roaring

to love fully

coagulating into black lava rock that will remain

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